I told my kids (as soon as the oldest one married) that they should start their own family Christmas traditions rather than coming home or trying to balance the two sets of parents. It has worked out just great! I can go visit them or (most years) spend a quiet peaceful Christmas with no cooking (!!!) and listening to music by the fire. I can attend all my church's Christmas services and sing in the choir, without background worries about allocating oven time to multiple courses (usually at midnight). I hope they'll do the same with their children!