Okay...

When I was about 23 years old I sold most my belongings and bought a "Surfer Van" with a bed, sink, and icebox, and headed out from Los Angeles on a road trip planned to last as long as my money held out.

My first stop was Lake Tahoe. It was too crowded there so I decided to head to Yellowstone. I drove into the park at night and read the rules posted near the entrance, which said "Camping in designated areas only". I headed into the park and within a mile or two I found a dirt road that headed into the forest. I drove it for another mile or two and parked to camp for the night.

I woke up at the very break of dawn with an urgent need to relieve myself so I stepped outside the side door, took a few steps and started the process.

It was barely light out, and there was a thick fog hanging low in the forest and wafting though the trees and undergrowth. After about 10-20 seconds I heard a loud "Whoosh" and two big billows of steam blew by me, one on each side.

I was barely awake and completely confused as what could cause such a thing as I turned and watch the steam pass and move behind me. Then another "Whoosh" and more billows of steam. I quickly thought, "Maybe I'm near a small geyser".

All this time I'm still relieving myself. After a couple more whooshes I decide to try and see where they're originating from so I look for the source of the steam. That's when I realized I was peeing on the feet of the largest Bull Moose in the world.

It took less that a split second for my razor sharp mind to conclude that moose are a lot bigger than I'd imagined and this really big moose wasn't very happy about me peeing on him after he stomped his front hoof into the ground and, dragging it backwards, dug a deep trench with it, then shook his enormous rack back and forth, and loudly snorted in a most aggressive manner.

I admit right here and now that it never occurred to me to try and jump on this moose's back. Instead, I decided to step backwards and reenter the van and shut the door, all very quietly.

Of course, I now realize that this moose was stunned by my brazen, and never before seen by any moose anywhere, act of human stupidity, and this is why I can tell this story to this day.

Bill