OK, since you've shown an appropriately high level of ineptitude, we'll now officially recognize you as a honorary Guy.

By the way, my own claim to fame: I needed to cut a piece of light foam insulation while on a roof. No place to set it, so what's the logical thing? Get down on one knee, and rest it on your thigh, then use a utility knife (razor blade) to cut without thinking things through. Result: about an inch long near-surgical incision, which only took about 4 butterfly closures and some pressure to get stopped. Pants were trashed, too.