I was sitting on the coach. My Wife walked in and said, "the last thing I want to do is hurt you..." Then she added, "...but it's still on the list."

I've been getting out lately so met another woman, maybe your wife's sister. We decided to be open about our past, in the interest of full disclosure. Much to my surprise, her two previous beaus died. The first by poisoning, the second by blunt force trauma. How was he poisoned, I asked. She replied, he was forced to swallow cyanide. I asked, What about the blunt force trauma? She said, he wouldn’t take the poison.

I think it's probably the coach who should be concerned.

Ahhh... English my old fiend....

Well, it didn't last. But we're still friends. She even called me for help burying a rolled-up carpet in the woods. Probably because I spend so much time hiking in the woods. Her current boyfriend would have done it, but he's out of town.

Did she pick any mushrooms while you were in the woods?

You might want to turn down any invitations for "a home-cooked meal" for a while...