That's not cheesy, finallyME, that's lactose-free!

How do you know a pilot is in the room? When it's time to pay the check and you find you're $5 short on the tab and somebody didn't leave their part of the tip.

(You know, cause they're so frugal, yet still can't manage their money, a hackneyed story. I take great pleasure in tormenting my pilot friends with that kind of thing.)

When protesters in Bolivia shut down the airport in Santa Cruz last fall and demanded the pilots pay the landing fee -- something like a grand -- in cash before they would be allowed to take off, my joke was "what pilot has more than $5 in his wallet."

I had a flight attendant tell me about the pilot boarding the crew bus back to the Caracas airport after a layover. The crew's all onboard and this woman comes running out of the hotel screaming and banging on the door of the bus, which they have the sense not to open. Another F/A asks, "What's up with her?" "Cap'n didn't pay for his hooker" was the reply.

I could go on, but this might be considered off the topic.