I've been using long handled anodized sporks from Sea-to-Summit and have never had them get hot while cooking and eating. Maybe there length dissipates the heat and I don't leave them in the pot while cooking. I've done freezer bag trips with no clean-up, except for a cup rinse out. If I need to, I boil a few ounces of water at the end of a meal for cleaning, with frezzer bags, only water is ever in the pot, and no dishes. It's why I like the long sporks- easy to mix up food in a bag and eat it. 2 of them weigh 1/2 oz. They make oatmeal packs you can pour water in, stir, wait, and eat, too. In April I'm doing a dry trip into the Bisti Badlands in New Mexico. Only 3 days, so no cook, cold coffee. No clean-up.
Loc: Gateway to Columbia Gorge
I'm also a fan of freezer bag "cooking." (Actually rehydration, not cooking) Some kind of cozy is necesssary to keep the food warm while it's rehydrating. Can you tell I hate washing dishes, especially pots and pans? This method also saves on fuel. Lots more about it, including lots of recipes using grocery store ingredients, here.
I definitely second getting the pieces you want separately. I've found that "kits" of any kind invariably include unneeded items and omit items I need.
May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view--E. Abbey
Personally, if I was planning to clean with sand, I would steer clear of anodized aluminum. You will eventually wear off the anodizing. I would look for a titanium pot, or a non-anodized aluminum pot, or a stainless pot.
My favorite "spork" design is the light my fire design with a fork on one side and a spoon on the other. I have the one in titanium and LOVE it. I have a bunch of the nylon versions and they are great as well.
With your specific criteria, you will have to buy the components separately.
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I just started shopping for backpacking mess kits and didn't have any luck finding any that meet these criteria. I want to be able to clean the items with sand and sterilize with flame.
The kit should have a 1 liter max anodized boiling pot, two anodized cups, and two anodized sporks.
I've seen kits close to this, but they included plastic components which I'd like to avoid.
Anodized means aluminum. Why would you want an aluminum cup? If you want metal, a Sierra cup would work, I used them for decades but they are heavy by today's standards. Sporks are generally plastic but I made one of steel by brazing the end of a fork to the end of a spoon. One liter pots are easy to find.