I hope I dont make anybody mad with this post but I had to vent. I have been planning this (solo) trip at the end of march. I was going to go on a great 3 day hike in WV. I had been thinking about what all to pack, how to lighten up the load, the best way to set up, and how relaxing it is going to be. (Mind you Im getting married at the end of may and feeling the stress already.) I made the mistake of telling two friends about the trip, now they want to go and everthing has changed. One guy can only take two days so we changing the place. The two of them have no gear, this is their first trip, and not in great shape. (Not that I am but I know that I can push through and keep hiking till needed.) What was going to be a relaxing solo trip to gather my head and escape for three days, has turned into a stressful quick planned two day trip that is going to be full of waiting and rushing. I guess next time I plan a trip, I wont tell anybody until Im packed up and on my way to the trailhead. Thanks for letting me vent I needed it.

I have had the same problem before. Nothing much you can do. I agree, don't tell anyone until you leave. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was going to offer profound advice but it sounds like you've learned your lesson, Grasshopper..... <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Better yet, just leave a note! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Them just wanting to go doesn't give them the priviledge of actually going with you. Tell them you need to do it solo before getting married.

Actually, there is a 2-letter word called "No." A bit late now, though, since you appear to have consented to their joining you. On the other hand, it's a word I have always had trouble trouble saying, too, although as I get older it's getting a lot easier!

I agree with TotemPole99. Tell them there will other trips later on.
If they really are your friends, then they'll understand. If they don't, then they're not.

I finally broke down this past Christmas and told my mom & siblings that we (my wife & kids) would not be seeing them during the holiday season (first time in 30 years). It's a long story that I won't get into here but I can say it was the most stress free Christmas I've ever had.

Just my $0.02.

I think a big problem is the misconception of many people that everyone wants company! Maybe you have neglected to explain to your friends that you really like to hike solo. It would simply never occur to some folks. I have friends who wouldn't dream of hiking or paddling alone.

Tell them NO.

I have felt that exact same frustration in the past. It's hard to say "no" when you're a people pleaser or just not very assertive. It's taken me some time to learn that it's okay to say "no" when that needs to be the answer. If these guys are your friends, then they will understand (even now) when you just say, "look bros, I love you guys, but I really need to do this one for me. We'll hook up on another trip sometime soon." Boom! It's just that easy.

Sometimes i am very happy to have company, because if anything it's an excuse to get out. However, almost anyone I've every hiked with has been told "No" by me at least once. - I like my solo trips too much.

Sometimes I just let it happen, and it works out fine. My trip into the bottom of south boundary
last year (Jonas and Nigel pass) started off as being just me. I then mentioned it to a good friend,
who said "maybe we'll see you in the first campsite" which was fine, because I knew they'd do their
own thing anyway, and then it turned into a case where a mutual friend found out, and decided to
fly into edmonton, meet me, and head in with me. Sigh... so it ended up being four people.

The difference here is other than a little bit of shepherding for the out of towner (I handed him
a food/stove/fuel bag because he didn't want to haul on plane) I didn't have to do anything about
anyone. I essentially got him the 14 KM into the first site at night, and then the next day had every
intention to do my own thing. as it is we stayed together, but it was fine. we didn't *have* to, and
that took any stress out of it for me.

I do find I am a lot less stressed about others if I do no planning for them. They can come with
me, but bring your own gear, your own food, etc. etc. i.e. if the other two want to share gear, great, go ahead - but I am self contained. So I don't worry about planning anyone elses trip other than
getting their butts to/from the trailheads.

You *may* want to try that with your friends if it's not possible for you to back out.- just tell them
"hey look, I was gonna do it solo, I'm gonna be self contained - you guys do your own planning"

On the other hand if your friends are inexperienced this may be a stress increaser not a stress
decreaser so use judiciously - I don't hike with newbs without doing (or checking) at least
some of their planning for them so I don't end up having to get them out of (or stress about the possibility of getting them out of ) a situation they shouldn' t have gotten into in the first place.

Yeah, the more players, the more stipulations sometimes... I would start my hike a few hours early and write it off as mis-communication...eleven o'clock, ahhh, I meant seven o'clock...you owe it to yourself and your new soon to be bride,,,she doesnt need you being stressed anymore than you'll already be. good luck with that one. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I agree with the rest: if it's at all possible, tell them "no, I just need to be alone." The fact that they have no gear and no experience gives you two additional alternatives: "I'd like to take you, but I don't have enough gear to outfit you both" and "This is not a beginner's trip - I'll design a great first trip to take you on when I get back."

If they insist on going, Phat's right: you tell them where you're headed and they have to do their own planning. I had a couple of very good friends that I loved backpacking with; we were incredibly compatible in style and what we enjoyed. But even though we might agree on the "bones" of the plan (so many miles on such and such trails, probably camping at point x, y, and z), the rule was that we were taking 3 solo trips together. Everybody planned for themselves, and we all felt free to leave the group and hook back up later, or just camp by themselves and hook up next morning - and frequently did.

So you don't have to give up a day of hiking, can you suggest that they either meet you somewhere on the second day of your hike, or could you start together and you stay on the trail a day past the spot they leave?

Just say no.

With a thorough explanation of course.

If they really are your friends they will understand.

Plan another trip with them later after the wedding.

We did the same thing this year -- first time in 22 years of marriage. I won't say the whole holiday season was stress free -- after all, we have a 17-year-old in the house -- but it was great to not travel.

I told my kids (as soon as the oldest one married) that they should start their own family Christmas traditions rather than coming home or trying to balance the two sets of parents. It has worked out just great! I can go visit them or (most years) spend a quiet peaceful Christmas with no cooking (!!!) and listening to music by the fire. I can attend all my church's Christmas services and sing in the choir, without background worries about allocating oven time to multiple courses (usually at midnight). I hope they'll do the same with their children!

Stand your ground, and tell them thatyou need your solo time. Your the one gettng married not them. If either one of them is then they will understand. If they are not then explain to them that your are signing a contract to never have peace and quite again and more often then not you will look for an excuse to go bping and thats when you can use them as the excuse that they want to take you out bping. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I never tell my backpacking buddies when I'm planning a solo trip. Heck, I often don't even tell my wife until a day or so before I leave. "Honey, since we're not doing anything this weekend, do you mind if I head out for a couple of days?" (I have a very understanding wife, of course.)

Understanding? Maybe she's celebrating! <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey, I'm starting to think my wife is celebrating too when I tell her I want to head out. The loud "WooHoo, I've got to make some calls" and that little dance she does makes me a little suspicious now that you point this out.

You think it's possible that she's not sitting at home baking cookies and worrying about me, while I'm bushwhacking around deep in the dangerous Ozark Forests, like I figured she was?

I know what I'll do, I'll go on a trip and then see if there are any fresh cookies waiting for me when I get back. Good thing it's getting to be the perfect time of year to try this out. In fact, I'll give her no more than 10 times, no, make it 20 times, that I go out and don't see any cookies when I get back before I spring the results of my plan on her <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can't wait to see her face and hear what she has to say when I tell her that I've been out camping 20 times and she's never baked me cookies while I was gone! She's gonna feel so bad I'll get something baked for me every night for quite awhile I bet.

Bill

<img src="/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Perhaps 'celebrating' was not the right word. Maybe what I should have said is: Sometimes it's nice to have the house to oneself for a few days. <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We're not even married yet, but after nearly 3 years together, my fiancee still gets a bit happy to have the home to herself when I head out for a week or two.

You might be right again, I asked her a few minutes ago and she said she was just being "Appreciative of my desire to get away from the house."

I'm not sure, but I think I heard her mumble something in addition to that when I was coming back out here, it sounded to me like, "and thrilled to take advantage of it too".

But I know she doesn't go dancing and whooping it up till late with her girlfriends because sometimes when I come home early she can hardly get out of bed she's so tired from worrying about me.

Gotta love a woman like that <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Bill

"She's gonna feel so bad I'll get something baked for me every night for quite awhile I bet."

Um, Bill, what color is the sky in your world? <img src="/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My wife calls it Quality Time Alone.

She talks about the three Bs.

Baileys,
Blockbuster, &
Bubble bath.