10 things I've learned leading group backpacking t

10 things I've learned leading group backpacking trips this summer:

1. The water bladder from your backpack makes a good pillow. If it's empty in the morning tell everyone that you had "bladder problems" in the night and need an extra couple hours to dry out your sleeping bag before you hit the trail.

2. Bring stickers that say "UNLESS YOU'RE DRINKING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES" to put on the signs next to the lakes that say "NO FIRES."

3. Never go off the trail. Trails were designed by government experts to take you to the most scenic places. There is nothing worth seeing beyond the end of the trail.

4. Backpacking is the best way to lose weight and get in shape. Sign up for a hike rated "strenuous" if you want to shed those pounds fast!

5. Don't buy a backpack bigger than 40 liters. It's better to strap your tent, air mattress, sleeping bag, and everything else on the outside.

6. The best pictures are of the parking lot, your tent, and the burger and beer you consumed after the hike. Everyone will want to see these uploaded to the trip webpage.

7. Get out of your tent around 9am, make a few cups of coffee, and get on the trail by 11am. It's the weekend, everyone sleeps in!

8. If the group is slow, go ahead on your own! If you miss a trail junction, the group leader will be happy to run to catch you while the group waits an hour or two. Groups love to take long rest breaks!

9. Maps are like computer programs: somebody out there knows how to read them, but you don't need a map to go hiking any more than you need to know Java to use an iPhone.

10. If you don't understand something in the trip announcement, such as "bring a bearproof food container," ignore it. It's not important.

Are you trying to say things got a little frustrating this summer?

To split hairs: All my gear plus a week's food fits very nicely in a 40L pack plus the outside side pockets. However, I made extra sure it all fit when I bought the pack! Nothing is strapped to the outside!

Not even a Sierra cup?

I didn't think people needed to drink in Co., anymore. Fires are an absolute necessity to stare at for well.... like forever, dude. And trail breaks are for firing up!
Great list.

<insert sheepish grin here> I am...ahem...guilty of a few of these in my earlier years and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have since learned the error of my ways...except for music on the trail from a previous thread which actually started a rather heated discussion. needless to say, i will be using the headphones from now on...

Laugh at me if you like, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with strapping a bedroll or whatever to the outside of a pack. Is this frowned upon?

I think this should be the basis of a new reality show.

It would be way more entertaining than any of the current crop...and much better than Bear Grylls, too!

Usually, they are strapped outside of an external frame pack. Sleeping bag on the bottom and tent on the top is how I do it. It's the Beverly Hillbillies look that is comical. I saw that with a boy scout on the last trip.

By the way, I don't care what other people do. If they want to look like an old time traveling salesman, that's their choice.

Not at all 4everplan. exactly what I did before I bought my infernal frame pack.

Well, I have to admit I'm still guilty of #7

If you have an external frame pack, that's what you're supposed to do--that's how those packs are designed! With an internal frame pack, though, strapping stuff on the outside tends to pull the pack off balance--they are designed to have everything stowed inside. Of course if you are using a closed cell foam pad, you almost have to strap it on the outside because of its bulk--but at least it's not much weight.

Stuff strapped on the outside of the pack does tend to get caught up in brush, especially if you are traveling off-trail. Small items tend to fall off and disappear. Even outside pockets can be a problem there.

I really did enjoy the OP--I'm still chuckling!

Ah, thanks for clearing that up, OM. You get points for the most newbie-friendly and complete answer. I have a feeling I will have to use my dad's ancient frame pack (weight?) or load a feed sack full of stuff into my Ergo like it's a baby, for my fall trip. Those of us on a tight budget make do.

The fancy word a feedsack pack is a Yukon pack. I used one for a couple years and it worked well. Then someone had pity on me and gave me three external frame packs.

You can make one with about three feet of 2 1/2 inch webbing and a few feet of parachute cord.

If you want to be brave, you can use your ground cloth or tarp instead of the feedsack.

#2 is sheer genius!

Awesome list! I love it!