10 things I've learned leading group backpacking trips this summer:

1. The water bladder from your backpack makes a good pillow. If it's empty in the morning tell everyone that you had "bladder problems" in the night and need an extra couple hours to dry out your sleeping bag before you hit the trail.

2. Bring stickers that say "UNLESS YOU'RE DRINKING ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES" to put on the signs next to the lakes that say "NO FIRES."

3. Never go off the trail. Trails were designed by government experts to take you to the most scenic places. There is nothing worth seeing beyond the end of the trail.

4. Backpacking is the best way to lose weight and get in shape. Sign up for a hike rated "strenuous" if you want to shed those pounds fast!

5. Don't buy a backpack bigger than 40 liters. It's better to strap your tent, air mattress, sleeping bag, and everything else on the outside.

6. The best pictures are of the parking lot, your tent, and the burger and beer you consumed after the hike. Everyone will want to see these uploaded to the trip webpage.

7. Get out of your tent around 9am, make a few cups of coffee, and get on the trail by 11am. It's the weekend, everyone sleeps in!

8. If the group is slow, go ahead on your own! If you miss a trail junction, the group leader will be happy to run to catch you while the group waits an hour or two. Groups love to take long rest breaks!

9. Maps are like computer programs: somebody out there knows how to read them, but you don't need a map to go hiking any more than you need to know Java to use an iPhone.

10. If you don't understand something in the trip announcement, such as "bring a bearproof food container," ignore it. It's not important.