Some guides are incredible...others not so much. What's the craziest thing you've seen a guide do?

OK, I'll start.

I was on a trip to Isle Royale, and the guide had gone out to the end of the dock at the campground we were using to filter water. When he was done, he began windmilling the hose rapidly "to get all the water out, like that guy on the other dock did - looks like a great idea."

A few seconds later, the three of us (me, myself, and I) watched the prefilter make a 50 foot arc and disappear into Lake Superior.

Did I mention this was a self-guided trip?

Oh no! I've only been a couple guided trips and the guides were great, but if we include self guided trips I may have to chime in too.

Not so much a guide, but a recreational director from a private school. We were on the last day of a southern Sierra loop and camped on the South Fork of the Kern past Bullfrog Meadows. It was raining lightly and getting towards evening when we heard what sounded like a cloud of mosquitoes. It turned out to be 15 or so teenagers and their not much older female leader. The complaints and cries could be heard from a hundred yards as a plaintive buzzing noise. She marched up to our large, flat sight and demanded that we give it to them, as she had a permit for the group site. I informed her there was no such animal, and that they needed to fend for themselves, as there were numerous other sites further along the trail and certainly no designated group site. I asked to see her permit, and of course, she didn't even have one! She pressed her case, stating that they had drove straight through from Santa Barbara and got on the trail with the sound of the surf still rattling around between her ears. I think if you held your ear close to hers you could hear the sea, like how you did with a shell as a kid. Not a thought to acclimation, a poor trip plan (getting picked up from the Forks of the Kern after a a call for a ride. Uh, cell reception?). We informed her she needed a whole bunch of aspirin and ibuprofen. All were fatigued and were carrying way too much; with things like chairs, radios and inappropriate clothing and footwear bouncing around on their bulging packs. They also seemed to lack rain gear, as they were all damp . A few orally deposited there last meal on to the trail. Not much we could do, except suggest she turn around the next day and after a morning's rest , go back to the 10K Horseshoe Meadow trailhead and abort the trip. God knows what became of this character building exercise. Hopefully, she was terminated and none of the students were hurt.

I forgot to add: Some of the kids had a "can do" attitude, as we later took a stroll down the trail to do some fly fishing and found them using some inhaled anesthetics and setting up some co-ed tenting arrangements. Guess you can have fun anywhere.

This is great - I've definitely had some of those situations. Sometimes all you can do is drop our head into your palm and keep walking...

That's pretty pathetic Charley! If you're like me, it was probably the demanding attitude about giving up your campsite that set you off
For myself, I haven't generally had many guided trips, except for a couple times, on foreign trips. Last September in Peru, my guide, who was actually quite competent otherwise, got absolutely s*** faced drunk on night 4 of our 10 day trek. It would've been a long way out on our own at that point, but I seriously thought there was no way he'd be able to function the next day, and that we might be stuck there another day while he sobered up. We had a 16,000' pass to cross: I wouldn't even be able to tie my shoes the next day if I were that drunk! He kept pleading pathetically for more money to buy beer (there was a tiny store near where we were camped that sold it). I can't begin to describe how mad I was! I got busy studying my map and contemplating escape routes. But he got up the next day and did his job, somewhat abashedly. He actually did quite well, though you could tell he was suffering I have a suspicion this wasn't "crazy" behavior, but rather, "normal" behavior for a certain percentage of Peruvian guides: there is a reason that store sold beer

Getting hammered on the job is a no-no, especially where people's lives are in your hands. My only experience has been as a fishing guide and a backpacking club advisor, but I took my duties and job very seriously and was very glad to have every last brain cell firing when the inevitable accidents happen. I was incredulous before she marched into our site, Bobito, it was obvious what kind of state they were in. If one of those kids had been injured or the usual lovely unpredicted Sierra weather event took place, they would have been in dire straits. A little misery and altitude sickness got them off lucky. I would have seen red with your Peruvian guide. Glad it worked out.