Hiking with my wife!

Hi,
I'm looking for some advice on backpacks. I am an avid outdoorsman, and have been on countless hiking trips. I tend to go for 3-5 days and an average trip for me is 40 miles. My wife decided she wants to come with me on my next hiking trip, and I feel its time to upgrade my pack. I normally carry a 65L pack totalling about 40-45lbs depending on duration of my trip. Im 6'2 and 240lbs, my wife is vietnamese and she is only 4'10 and 105lbs. Because she is so small, and this is her first hiking trip, I want to carry most-(if not)- all the gear. I will be carrying a 2 person hilleberg tent, 2 12in/7in around sleeping bags, food for both of us for 4 days, and all the normal gear (med kit, hatchet, compact spade, bathroom stuff, mess kit, etc. When I hike solo or pack solo, I am a minimalist. I find my 65l pack very spacious with enouph room for all my gear plus my camera and lenses. Is a 90L pack to big. I already did a test fitting, and I can NOT fit everything into my 65L pack. Im thinking 80+ but not sure. Would i be better of with a tight 75-80l (no accesories), or a 90L and bring a tad bit extra for her? I'm thinking once she experiences the outdoors, she will be bagging to go again! So buying a pack that I can use for longterm is importent. I might also be doing some long hikes in Europe next year (10 days+). Basically I want a pack that's big enouph for long hikes, as well as short 3-4 day hikes, but packed for 2 people. My budget for the bag would be $150-300 however a bit more or less wouldn't be a big deal as long as quality is there. I've been researching myself and am considering the 90l high sierra long trail, and the kelty Lakota 85l. Both have large capacity, high user ratings, and are budget friendly.

If she would be willing to carry the sleeping bags, could you fit everything else into your current pack? Sorry, no ideas on the larger packs

A small pack fit to her that carries her sleeping bag/pad and spare clothes would make her feel invested in hiking. I'd jettison the camera gear, hatchet, spare clothes, rain gear and do some over nighters with the pack you have until you're sure she likes it.
I did that once with my wife many years ago, I had a Jansport D-2 external frame that carried large loads well. She carried a daypack the next trip. She now carries a full pack and selects new gear and does trip planning with me. Hope it works out for you.

I'd also have her carry just her gear, which should be quite light and fit in a daypack, so all you'd have extra is her share of food. That said, I did help my wife more by carrying her bag and pad on 2nd day of recent trip because she's not in good enough shape for uphills and it was mostly uphill. So she ended up with only about 7 pounds on her back.

You should also work on reducing your load despite being an ox - I carry < 30 lbs for a week-long trip in the Rockies. I could fit everything for BOTH of us for a 4-day trip in my 70L pack (Golite Pinnacle). Down bags help a great deal! Why do you need a hatchet and spade? Trail maintenance?

Lastly, I think you should shorten the proposed trip or at least make sure you have a couple easy bailout points. This topic may be something she should read as well.

Following along the same vein as others, you should get her a pack. I always laugh when I see a couple and the girl has a tiny bag and the guy has this huge beast on his back. If she is the type that will enjoy hiking, then she is the type that will want to carry a pack. You don't have to overload the pack, and you can still carry some of her stuff, but she will feel better (and you will feel better) if she carries most of her stuff. When I take my 12 year old daughter, she carries all her own gear, except the tent and stove.

Also, it is very important that the pack fits her. Take her to a bunch of outdoor stores and have her try on all the different varieties. When she finds one that she likes, and it fits her....don't look at the price tag, just buy it.

Thanks for the advice. I'm taking a trail that loops back to our start point. However, I specifically picked this trail because there is a 4 mile interescting trail about half way through. That way if she wants to head back, it would be very easy. Also I should have mentioned with my pack weight, I mostely hike in fall/winter. I work a lot more in the summer and don't have time. So an all season tent, spade for clearing snow, etc are neccesitys. And I have a cannon with 2-3 lenses that always come with me. They probably add 5-10lbs easy. I talked it over with my wife and she likes the idea of helping carry her own stuff. I'm going to take her to a few sporting goods stores this weekrnd, to pick out a good pack. I might drop all cameta gear except for 1 lense. That should let me cut weight and volume. And with her carying clothes and a sleeping bag, my pack should be fine

I just got back from a 3-nighter with my wife. My philosophy about sharing weight, which she agrees with, is that a fair distribution results in our hiking at a similar pace and wanting to rest at similar intervals. In our case I carried about 38 lbs and she carried about 16 lbs. That worked out very well for us.

The fact that what she carried was almost entirely her own stuff is just a matter of convenience, really. It lets her decide where to put items in her pack, so she can find them more easily.

All of the replies are filled with good advice. I'll add a few suggestions....

Topshot already mentioned the "hatchet and spade" and this brings up the broader point of really nit-picking your gear list, and that's the most important thing I've learned since I've came here. If you really sit down and think about what you really need based on what you really use, you might find you don't need a lot of the stuff you bring. I sure did.

The hatchet and spade are really more for "Bushcrafting" than "Backpacking". They're fun to have because bushcrafting is fun, but you don't need them to backpack. I've also learned to try and bring "Dual Purpose" gear. I don't even take a multi-tool anymore. I take a small fixed blade knife that only weighs a few ounces and some small nail clippers that have a nail file. I bring a single 1 quart aluminum pot for cooking and I put my stove, dishrag, spoon and fork, and drinking cup inside it.

Don't get me wrong, we all bring stuff we don't "need", our little "Luxury" items. The best way I've learned to figure out what you need and what you don't is to make a list when you get back from a trip of everything you didn't use. Some things, like your first aid kit, are still vital gear even if you didn't use them, but you'll find stuff you could have left at home and it all adds weight.

These small changes have lightened my load which is good, but they've also made room in my pack. A couple years ago I was given a real nice Osprey 44 liter pack. It's smaller than my old pack but I read about a lot of people that were doing multi-day trips with them so I started reading up on "How to load a Pack".

One of the first things I learned was using compression sacks for sleeping bags took up more room than if you put them loose in the pack and stuffed your gear on them. Now I put mine in a big heavy duty plastic trash bag, uncompressed, and smush all my gear in and around it. I do that with my clothes too, and it made a huge difference in how much I could load into my pack.

So, like you, when I showed up here I was carrying around 40 or more pounds and I'm a small guy so it was killing me. After a lot of work on resisting to pack "Just one more thing" I've finally made it to the point where I'm carrying under 30lbs and using a smaller pack for my 3 night trips.

All that said, there are a few people here who use huge packs loaded with very light gear. They stuff their down bags or quilts and coats and pants in them and dehydrated food and they look huge but weigh next to nothing. If that's what you're looking for, I'm sure there are others here who can talk about what pack they're using.

You know sometimes that is just to weight the guy down so he hikes slower! Hubby and I hike very differently - I'm slow but can hike for 12+ hours and stop and take pictures of everything and he hikes fast, but 5-8 hours only. So I weigh him down (though on one hike this backfired as he was injured and he got my light back and I got the heavy one )

Pack weight is only one factor to consider. Given your wife's size I would look at some good quality kids packs. Woman's x-small may still be too big.

Be sure to make her first trip pleasant. Avoid mosquitoes, bad weather, bushwhacking, etc. This is good advise for ANY newbie! There is enough adjustment to make in good conditions. Add bad conditions and most beginners are overwhelmed.

Most women like to stay clean when backpacking. You do not have to bring a huge "beauty kit" but I find that about two dry wipes per day are wonderful. I would also bring enough fuel to heat a bit of water for washing. She probably will get used to washing in cold water, but make it nice for her at first. I wash hands and face each evening and morning (after packing gear and cooking breakfast) so I can start the day clean. I use a handkerchief for a towel, but there are backpacking towels that also work, but are a bit heavier. I also bring some Eucerin hand cream in addition to sunscreen. Even as much as I have backpacked, I find my hands get really dry. Let her bring her favorite hand cream. Also be sure you have a nail clipper. Depending on hair length, bring a comb and/or brush that are small but still easy to use. I personally hate to have my hair blowing around in the wind so I tie it back.

I jump in cold streams and lakes once a day, just as I finish backpacking, to wash off dust and sweat. This is usually a bit much for a beginner, but at least wash feet, hands and face once a day.

Also, be sure to have her clip toenails before the trip. I often forget this and every time my toenails are too long, I get sore toes!

And, even though it is not needed, if she wants to bring a change of shirts/undies for each day, this is OK to start out. Eventually you learn to wash clothes. Just be sure the "extra" stuff is light.

The most important reason for her to carry her own clothes, water and a little food, and sleeping bag is safety. What if you get separated and you have all the gear? It is important that everyone have enough for survival (like the 10 essentials).

If she also likes photography, maybe if she had her own camera (like a light point-an d-shoot) she could also have some activity to do that she enjoys.

Yes, cream or lotion for the hands is important. If I don't use it, I end up with the dreaded hangnails which promptly get infected.

A warm sleeping bag is also important. Remember that most women need a sleeping bag that is 9-10*F warmer than do most men. That's the difference between the "comfort" (most women) and "lower limit" (most men) ratings in the EN13537 classification. In other words, if you are comfy with a 30*F bag, get a 20*F bag for her.

And W_D is right, it's important for each person in the party to be able to survive on his/her own if you get separated.

Be careful not to be too patronizing or baby her too much--she might just bite back! That's what I would do! She needs to feel she's doing her full share.

I am in the boat of fair weight distribution. My wife carries her gear, I carry my gear. Any extras we divide up such that we are carrying equal weight with respect to our body weight. I will say though that we are minimalist so our 7 day pack weights never exceed 30 lbs. Maybe start off with a similar philosophy and adjust the weight distribution as you are out there? Maybe someone (husband or wife) starts to slow...then give the other some of that weight to help out.

Backpacking Engineer

That's the way we do it, too. I carry the tent and food, she carries the cook kit and toiletries. It works out that on a five day trip, I carry a little more than 30 pounds (including the bear can) and she carries a little more than twenty.