A story of backwoods ineptitude

Posted by: do1625

A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/14/09 09:17 PM

I know somewhere there is a thread of stories such as this, but I can't find it, so here goes.
I cook on a fire using ingredients available from a normal grocery store. I do not ever use "add boiling water" foods. The process of gathering wood, getting a fire started, getting a bed of coals, positioning a grill over the coals,cooking beans (for example), cutting garlic..potatos..sundried tomatos..onions..carrots..and doing this in near darkness with smoke blowing into your eyes..and trying to keep the fire going...is what life is all about. Often the process takes several hours from firewood gathering to eating the finished product.
One of my handy designs was what I call a "spoon necklace"...a length of paracord that allows my spoon to reach to the pot so that sampling and adding spices is facilitated. I came up with this idea because loose spoons are easily misplaced..whiskey being a pre-dinner imperative. The cordage is then pulled tight around my neck by the use of the simple "double fishermans' bend".
On one particular evening , my efforts had resulted in a tempting aroma that permeated the forest. I bent over to sample my masterpiece. My backpacking buddy asked me how it was. I proudly said "It's ready to eat and it's really good." Unknown to me, my "spoon necklace" had wrapped itself around the handle of my pot...as I stood up, the pot flipped over in a single smooth motion and emptied my entree into the fire and onto the ground. Fortunately I had enough whiskey to help me tolerate the 15 minutes or so of hysterical laughter of my friend. I managed to laugh as well, but not just at that moment.
Posted by: bok

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/14/09 09:58 PM

lol...sorry its kinda funny. A small but costly flaw of the "spoon necklace"....at least you had some whiskey though!
Posted by: hikerduane

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/15/09 11:31 AM

Klutz, comes to mind.:)
Posted by: finallyME

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/15/09 07:49 PM

I bet you wished you had some "add boiling water" food at that time. goodjob
Posted by: kevonionia

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/16/09 10:56 AM

Great story!

Can you put your spoon on the end of one of these?

They make them with key rings, not clips on the end to go thru the hole in the spoon. The retractable cord is 30" -- hopefully enough to not have you bending over burnin' your eyebrows off, or if you're sipping straight, high-proof whiskey, worse.
Posted by: do1625

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/17/09 09:34 AM

Thanks Kevinionia! I did order 10 of the retractable reels. Now when my spoon necklace wraps around my pot..the pot will fly from the ground back into my face, allowing me at least to swallow a large sample! I'll let you know if I find them to be useful. I once had a similar item...fly fishermen use them.
Fireballs look like fun! Freak everybody out after a dull day on the trail.
Posted by: Glenn

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/17/09 10:09 AM

"Fireballs look like fun."

Question: What are a (insert stereotype here)'s dying words?"

Answer: "Hey, Y'all, watch this!"
Posted by: jpanderson80

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/17/09 11:53 AM

LOL That's funny. I tried a spoon necklace one time. I got tired of taking it on and off.
Posted by: do1625

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/17/09 03:16 PM

The spoon necklace was variable length. I never had to take it off. At maximum length I could stir the pot or add spices, or test taste by stooping over slightly without having to bend my knees. Then the knots were slid back together so the spoon now hung at breasbone height and could be placed in a shirt pocket, with a minimum of dangling cord. I came up with the idea because I kept misplacing my spoon due to darkness and drunkenness. I've seen pots tilt and slosh but the funniest part of my incident was that the pot went from upright to completely inverted in 1/10th of a second!
Posted by: billstephenson

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/17/09 07:35 PM

I've eaten a few gritty dinners myself. The spoon on a rope trick is a good one though. I'd a never thought of that.

I've tried to make my spills memorable by what I poor them on, but you've added real style to the art and it will never be the same.

From now on I'll just have to be more creative. Beer helps with that wink

Bill
Posted by: Jimshaw

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/17/09 11:24 PM

do1625

Regarding your spoon necklace. Camping is an ancient art. There has been adequate time to remove a lot of bad ideas, unfortunately some keep popping up. Had a few myself. Ahem. Anyway before embracing a "NEW" idea like the spoon necklace, ask yourslef (or this forum) how many other people do that?

Often things that make so much "wilderness sense" while we sit in our living room are obviously stupid from the moment we arrive in the wilderness. You should always write your gear list while you are camping.
Jim
Posted by: sarbar

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/19/09 04:49 PM

Originally Posted By do1625

I cook on a fire using ingredients available from a normal grocery store. I do not ever use "add boiling water" foods.


Ahhh...but the grocery store is full of normal just add boiling water foods, you do realize? crazy

No need to suffer....or have a fire even!
Posted by: thecook

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/19/09 08:55 PM

Depends on what you call normal crazy
Posted by: lori

Re: A story of backwoods ineptitude - 02/21/09 04:41 PM

Originally Posted By do1625
The spoon necklace was variable length. I never had to take it off. At maximum length I could stir the pot or add spices, or test taste by stooping over slightly without having to bend my knees. Then the knots were slid back together so the spoon now hung at breasbone height and could be placed in a shirt pocket, with a minimum of dangling cord.


And by looking at your chest they could tell what you had for lunch or dinner. laugh

I can just picture the "tie die" pattern my dinners would make.